Stop trying to be a good person
To be a better person, stop trying to be a good person.
I've come to realize that striving to see ourselves as "good people" can be counterproductive. This might sound strange - after all, isn’t wanting to see ourselves as good something our parents and authority figures taught us as children? Let me share why this mindset can be problematic.
If you see yourself as a good person, what happens when someone points out that you’ve done something hurtful - like being dishonest or inconsiderate? Because maintaining your self-image as a “good person” feels crucial, you might instinctively defend yourself. Perhaps you even dismiss or undermine the other person to protect that image. The need to preserve this perception of goodness can become more important than acknowledging your mistakes and growing from them.
In other words, striving to be a "good person" can create a rigid and idealized identity, leading to frustration when we inevitably fall short. After all, we’re only human. Instead, let’s shift from striving to be a “good person” toward these alternatives:
Strive to Be Authentic: Focus on understanding and accepting yourself, flaws and all.
Strive to Be Compassionate: Be kind (rather than judgmental) to yourself and others, acknowledging imperfection as a part of being human. Everyone is on their own journey.
Strive to Be Resilient: Prioritize the ability to bounce back, learn, and grow from failures.
Strive to Be Purposeful: Anchor your life in something greater than yourself.
Strive to Be Curious: Rather than labelling actions as "good" or "bad," adopt a mindset of inquiry.
Strive to Be Present: Engage fully with life by focusing on the here and now.
Strive to Be Impactful: Focus on the positive difference you can make in others’ lives and the world around you.
Why This Shift Matters
Redefining what we strive to become frees us from the tyranny of perfectionism. Instead of feeling disappointed or angry with ourselves for failing to meet an ideal standard, this paradigm shift allows us to embrace our humanity, learn from our mistakes, and make meaningful progress.
Which of these ideas resonates with you most?