Learning tough love
I recently had the privilege of conducting a leadership workshop for mid-level managers from a major media agency network. While I enjoy connecting with participants and delivering the content I’ve spent weeks preparing, I also look forward to learning from them. This time, I discovered the concept of 'tough love in leadership.'
Having been exposed primarily to a Western style of leadership, which encourages autonomy, I was taken aback by the participants' stories of harsher training methods. Many recalled tough, no-nonsense bosses who emphasized discipline and strict accountability, often leaving them feeling like quitting. Yet, when I asked if they still kept in contact with those leaders, they surprisingly affirmed, “Of course! We respect and thank them for their tough love training.”
One participant shared how his superior once told him, “I'm tough on you because I see your potential. If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t even have bothered correcting you.” That hit a nerve because I had always associated tough love with a lack of empathy. But after hearing these stories, I stand corrected. Tough love doesn’t mean a lack of care - instead, it reflects a commitment to holding people accountable while nurturing their potential.
Tough love often proves more effective than a culture of “being nice,” where managers avoid difficult conversations to maintain peace. Being overly nice can lead to:
Unclear Expectations: Without tough feedback, employees remain unsure of their standing and how to improve.
Poor Performance: A "nice" culture may cause managers to shy away from enforcing standards, allowing subpar performance to go unchecked.
Stunted Growth: Individuals can’t thrive without direct feedback and correction.
Ultimately, tough love blends professional respect with a performance-driven mindset, ensuring teams know what's expected of them and how they’ll be evaluated.
I’m excited for more interactions with this incredible team in the coming months. While I provide them with support and structure in leadership, I’m equally excited to continue learning from their experiences!