How to tell it as it is
“Sometimes you live too much in your head. You give out the 3S energy: Serious, Sad and Sensitive.”
My friend didn’t have to tell me this, but she did. She held nothing back. Did I get defensive? Of course! Was I hurt? Hell yeah! But it was so raw, it felt real and refreshing.
When I reflect on the memorable relationships I have, both personal and professional, the ones I value most are the candid ones. Because if you have feedback, I want to hear it. The more specific it is, the better. But getting or giving critical feedback is rare; we fear sounding disrespectful and hurtful, and are afraid of being disliked and no longer thought of as a “nice person”.
Young leaders fail to tell it as it is because they assume that the identity of a good leader is to be adored. Remember, leadership is not a popularity contest!
Would you still consider your good friend as a good friend if they held back what you truly needed to hear in order for you to grow to be a better person? Our good friends are honest with us because they care.
So if we care about our good friend’s development and growth, we need to learn how to communicate authentically, with empathy and love. We don’t have to be harsh or insensitive. Here are some tips:
Choose our battles. Not every situation requires us to give brutal honesty.
Reflect on our motivations. Is our feedback intended to help or hurt the other person?
Provide specific examples. This adds credibility to our message and helps the other person understand our perspective.
Frame our statements using "I" instead of "you." This helps avoid sounding accusatory.
Choose the right time and a conducive place.
Avoid beating around the bush. State thoughts and feelings clearly.
Listen emphatically. Create a space for them to process.
Stay calm and composed throughout.
Respect their views. Understand that others may have different perspectives.
Be open to receiving feedback too. It’s a two-way street.
Real connections and growth happens when we choose to embrace and give the unfiltered truth.
Share this with a friend who you think needs this encouragement. ●