Listening effectively
When it comes to being an effective coach-leader, an often overlooked but incredibly powerful skill is listening. Listening is the cornerstone of effective communication, understanding, and building strong relationships, and as I always say, just like any skill, it can be learned. To be a great listener, we need to understand the two aspects to it:
1. Listening with intent; and
2. Listening for meaning
1. Listening with intent
Listening with intent means being fully present and engaged in the conversation. We listen with our ears, eyes, heart and gut to the speaker's words, tone, and non-verbal cues. Here's how to cultivate this aspect of listening:
Remove external distractions:
Find a quiet space and turn off electronic devices.
Be open minded, curious, and non-judgmental:
Allow the speaker to express their thoughts freely without interruption or evaluation.
Paraphrase and seek clarification:
Summarise the speaker's main points to demonstrate your understanding. Provide an opportunity for clarification. Validate genuinely.
Show non-verbal affirmations:
Nod, smile, lean forward.
Express empathy:
Use phrases like “I hear you”, "I understand", "Go on" to encourage the speaker to share more.
Hold space:
Remain quiet and give the speaker time to think.
2. Listening for meaning
Listening for meaning goes beyond the words being spoken. It involves understanding the underlying emotions and intentions to grasp the full meaning of the speaker’s message. Here's how to develop this aspect of listening:
Pay attention to non-verbal cues:
These can be a shift of energy, emotions, mood, body language, or tone of voice. Provide insight into the speaker's shift of emotion by asking, “I sense there is disappointment in your voice. What’s happening there?”
Try to discern what isn’t being said:
Listen for the speaker's underlying motivations, desires, or concerns. Consider their background, experiences, and context to understand how it may influence the speaker’s message.
After listening with intent and for meaning, take a moment to reflect before responding. Responding thoughtfully demonstrates that you have truly understood their message and shows respect for their perspective.
A good listener explores the speaker’s situation, while a great listener explores the speaker as a person. ●