Establishing authority without losing your friendships
One of the most common challenges new and young leaders face is: “How can I maintain my friendship with my team, while still establishing authority?”
In an HBR article titled “What to Do When You Become Your Friend’s Boss”, research shows that 90% of first-time managers struggle to navigate the boundaries between being a boss and a friend. Sadly, nearly three-quarters of them lose their friendships with their team once they become a manager.
So why is it so hard to go from friend to boss? Mainly, the power structures have changed.
When you’re promoted to be a boss to your friend, your friendship dynamics come into direct conflict with your professional relationship. Ignoring this conflict can be emotionally taxing and lead to burnout. The secret to overcoming this awkwardness is actually pretty simple: set clear boundaries.
Here are a few tips for setting boundaries at work when you go from a friend to a boss:
· Be upfront with your friend and acknowledge there is now an added dimension to your relationship e.g. You’re required to give developmental feedback should the situation arise, but it’s nothing personal.
· Start behaving professionally. Because your role now requires you to promote a positive work environment, venting about difficult coworkers to your friend is inappropriate.
· You need to come across as fair. If not, other team members might accuse you of showing favoritism to your friend.
Setting boundaries with your staff mostly comes down to open communication. And it starts with you learning how to say, ‘No’.
It can be uncomfortable, but frankly communicating your concerns and listening attentively to what your staff/friends need can help you work together to a state where you can support your friend’s professional goals and achieve the team’s goals, without losing your friendship.
“As a leader, you are always going to get a combination of two things: What you create and what you allow.” - Henry Cloud ●